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If you want to catch me on the go, just e-mail me at
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where I can pick it up from my mobile telemaphone.
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| MA Zine |
| 11.27.04 (11:31 am) [edit] |
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Hi just a quick message to anyone who has come and read the blog before visiting the MA site. Go to the site and check out the first edtion of the MA ezine it rocks. go on. Why are you still reading this go go go. A:D
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| Guess who's back |
| 10.23.04 (8:44 pm) [edit] |
I think I speak for all of us when I say that PayPal is the worst company since the Third Reich (tm).
Anyway, as I often misread 'misanthropists anonymous t-blog' as 'Zeke's own personal advertising board',:
New issue of the...
Hang on, let me do that again.
The first issue of Unholy Biscuit is out at Titty-Biscuits. If you've given up reading the site due to the inactivity swamping the place in big, inactive lumps, then I guess you should go back there 'cuz I've shown those lumps what I'm made of. Follow the link on the left of this paragraph (I haven't updated it in so long I've forgotten the address myself, so just follow the damn link!)
Cheers, and well done to everybody who performed at the studio today. You all made me feel fuzzy inside.
Zeke
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| Power |
| 09.26.04 (12:09 pm) [edit] |
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I know from all the hundreds of concerned emails I recieved that you are all so concerned about me and are very glad I am still alive. We have power again after nine days without ( in super-hot conditions with no air conditioning, no fans, no ice, no refrigerator ), the university is still going to be shut down for another eight days and they won't even let me back into the accomodation till Oct 4, thank you for asking. Well, I just bloody hope Jill Barker's first words on the first day of class were "according to Freud..." and that Keith has been giving you all the finger >:P
Anyway, a little personal note for each of you...
Neil: They have SPAM here. Not just that they have Hickory-smoked Spam, Cheezy Spam, Turkey Spam and many more.
Zeke: You can buy TWENTY peices of chicken here for seven quid!!!!!
Kelly: Ants do indeed look like people, but not as much as people look like ants...especially when they've been squashed under fallen trees.
Ed: They have a Tolkien class here!!! You get marked on sitting around discussing the finer points of LOTR. What is worse, I didn't find out about the class until after the signing-up week was over :(
Tracy: Shannon has 3 Blue-eyes White Dragon, Buster Blader, Thousand Eyes Restrict and a Red-nose Spongebob Squarepants. Ok...the last one isn't a real Yu-gi-oh card, I just made it up.
Paul
P.S. HUGE Heffner is what the girls call him...I didn't like to ask.
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| Hurricane Ivan vs Bubba Thomas |
| 09.20.04 (8:31 am) [edit] |
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Hi Guys
I've just had a telephone call from Monsieur Thomas to say that the after affects of Hurricane Ivan mean he has no uni for about 3 weeks. He asked me to post a message to you all in case any of you were worrying about him - just to let you all know he will fill you all in with his tales upon his return.
Trace x
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| ah...uh..here it is |
| 09.13.04 (8:52 am) [edit] |
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I just wrote Miss Anon a very cutting and directed email regarding her taking down her blog. But actually it is still here, it was just the link that was missing. Feel stupid now :S
Anyway, life here is all burgers, bacardis and bikinis. Huge Hefner came over for a drink last night but got a bit peeved by all the attention his dates were giving me. I told them all the "50,000 nuns on holiday" joke and they were simply rolling around the floor. Except David Hasselhoff, he didn't get it. Bloody germans.
Hope everyone is doing good and that none of you have dragged Keith out by his shiny silver tresses and shot him in the head regarding modules or timetables or anything. Three options in semester 2 and two of them are poetry. Lots of choice for me then >:(
I miss having a pint with you guys. You have to be 21 to drink here, and even if you are 21 spirits are not allowed on campus. Naturally we have loads of the stuff but even so its the principal thats annoying.
Anyhoo, toodle-pip from Candy, Nina, Kiki and me
Paul "Bubba" Thomas
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| MA goes trans-atlantic |
| 09.10.04 (6:44 am) [edit] |
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Guys 8)
Just a quick update on this poor, neglected blog.
Misanthropists Anonymous has been officially launched out there amongst the plethora of '4 the luv' writers sites. Thanks to a tip-off from our very own Ed Cox, it now appears in the US based listings site:
Ralan.com: www.Ralan.com
under -- you've guessed it! -- 'M'.
M for Misanthropists Anonymous. Also, M is for Mouse. And for Mescalin. And if you don't know what Mescalin is, then you clearly don't know your Hunter S. Thompson and in that case the letter is S, and S is for Shame (on you).
On a more serious note, I would like people to make a deliberate effort to associate Misanthropists Anonymous with the letter 'M'. That way, it will become ingrained in the collective unconscious, and in many years time, babies will be born with just such an association. This can only be a good thing.
John Prescot,
Kelly x
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| Eulogium |
| 09.07.04 (5:17 pm) [edit] |
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Alas a voice from foreign shores doth speak,
and na'er were words more idly spent,
that such pithy yet irksome speechcraft,
mayst tire the heart and weary the soul,
to be knowing of thy distant friends,
who by neither toil of thought nor mental strain,
may'st mine self partake of good wine with,
until the turkey of St. Nicolas hath been cooked,
and the mistletoe trapped many an amourous couple,
neath its leafy sprig.
Sorry...I think my Milton class is getting to me.....PT
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| Course Details |
| 08.23.04 (6:01 am) [edit] |
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Hiya, this is just a quick message to anyone who cares. Some of the course for next year has been sorted and details are posted on the media arts site. Its the usual way to get into it all. Anyway hope everyone is having a great holiday. See you all on the 27th of September when we start uni again. A
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| MA revamp |
| 08.20.04 (6:41 am) [edit] |
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Just a quick mention:
Misanthropists Anonymous has been revamped with a completely new interface and ais positively suppurating with new material.
It is fabulous, nefarious, utterly omnivorous and as packed as the Big Red Fun Bus: fact.
You are missing out if you haven't visited in the last 2 days.
Misanthropists Anonymous: Go.
Just another quick mention (although I suppose the speed depends entirely on how much time you alot to reading it. Some of you may be very slow readers, in which case I apologise for taking up more of your time than I intended to.):
Au Revoir, Paul!!
We all hope you got where you were going safely, and know that you will be missed (at least until your evil creators send down a replacement from their Yorkshire lair) :wink:
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| The joys of allen keys |
| 08.07.04 (12:41 pm) [edit] |
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:D Hi ya everyone.
Hope the summer is finding you well and not working too hard. I can hear you all groaning ..shhhh keep the noise down please am enjoying a rare respite from the kids being absent.
Well I was pretty pleased with myself managed to put together four flat pack chairs and as yet they have not collapsed :D but I curse the man who invented allen keys (big sigh) :roll:
When it came to putting the table together, I found it incredibly amusing that the company had ommitted to include the legs.
I'd best get back to the rest of the furniture removal. My hairy monsters three - are expert seek and destroy missiles and rather than look at any more irrepairable furniture, I am building a pile for a skip in the back garden. So if any of you are at a loose end and fancy some hard graft pop over 'cos a willing hand is always appreciated :shock: cripes never seen people move so fast :wink:
Hugs to you all and maybe we'll all meet up soon .. ..
Trace x
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| NEVER buy a house unless you have no neighbours!!!! |
| 07.25.04 (9:28 am) [edit] |
I'm in angry mode. I never knew one person could swear so much in such a small space of time.
My new next door neighbours are erm what's the right words....
Obnoxious, noisy, foul mouthed... the list goes on but ill leave it there.
You all know about the wonders of Dagenham i go on about them enough. So it seemed strange to me when i was told at about midnight the three kids from next door were sleeping on the front lawn. No parents in sight!!!
Each day/night the kids scream at each other the parents scream at the kids people are round there at all hours of the night banging on the door and shouting. It makes living in halls look like heaven.
You might think im exaggerating but my bedroom is at the other side of the house. (there is a staircase and my sister's room between my room and the outside wall of the house.) Despite this i can still hear every word of there conversations clearly as though they were standing next to me. I keep thinking my parents are calling to me for something then realise that in fact it is the woman next door screaming at the top of her lungs.
I'm counting down until im in luton again, just for the chance to get a good nights sleep. (That's one thing i never though i would say about luton.)
Still ranting but signing off. A. x
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| My fight to the death with READERS DIGEST, and other tales of woe. |
| 07.20.04 (5:41 am) [edit] |
Hey eveyone,
Here I am, back from my holls and miserable as sin because of it. Had a fantastic week of lazing, reading and drinking in Stratford, and now I'm back in stinky Luton. :cry:
Ah well, life must pootle on, and in true style I shall give it a pissed-off kick-up-the-bum with my first rant of the week. *clears throat and flexes fingers*
To my absolute delight, within two days of my return to the town of wonderous smells we call Luton, I received a letter from a debt collecting agency on behalf of [b]READER'S DIGEST :twisted:[/b]. This development did little to palliate my already hella-bad mood, so if I can pass on any useful advice in my lifetime, it will be this:
[b]NEVER, EVER, EVEN UNDER THREAT OF TORTURE, OR RECOMMENDATION BY SOMEONE YOU THINK IS QUITE COOL, GET INVOLVED WITH READERS DIGEST :twisted:!![/b]
I mean it... don't even [i]touch [/i]an envelope if it has those words printed on it... not even necessarily in that order, or this language; they can get to you through osmosis. [b]THAT [/b]is how careful you have to be. You may think I'm being a little bit alarmist here, but please indulge me; allow me to delineate to you the reasoning behind this.
Several years ago, I was coerced by my naive but hopeful boyfriend into entering a 'prize draw' as they call them (for a million pounds or your own cow on Jersey or something -- nothing to do with really nice pants or an antique Chesterfield as it turned out) run by the now infamous [b]READERS DIGEST[/b] :twisted: . Having given in to the pressure exerted by his enthusiastic little face, I filled it in and sent it off.
:: [b]BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE[/b] (except for when I allowed my Mum's friend to perm my hair at age 14... [i]"How tight will the curl be, Joan[/i]?"... [i]"Oh, not very, I don't think... don't worry, I've used this solution before,"[/i] And she had... on several OAP's with microphone heads and purple rinses.)
Literally, minutes after I dropped the offending envelope into the postbox, [b]THEY [/b]started arriving. [b]THEY [/b]being the little [b]READERS DIGEST[/b] :twisted: mini-magazine's, packed with all sorts of fascinating articles, like [i]'how I overcame my fear of yellow'[/i] and [i]'my struggle with the letter 'D''[/i]. I flicked through the first couple, but having been thoroughly repelled by the adverts for Stenna Stairlifts (It's that freaky old [i]Songs of Praise [/i]woman that does it) and incontinence pants, I realised that these little literary gems were not aimed particularly at my age group. But still still they kept on a-coming, and still I had not made the connection between this steady onslought of journalistic wankery, and an [b]enormous, growing bill with my name on it.[/b]
And THEN they brought out the big guns; yes, the leather bound condensed volumes of plotless, insipid trash started to drop through the door. Heavily. The first of which was accompanied by:
:: 1 silver plated pen + matching retractable pencil
:: 1 plastic luggage tag (?)
:: 1 chocolate bar (??!).
I could have resisted the book, the tag, and maybe even the pen set, but [i]chocolate through the post!?[/i]... After a skinfull!? It didn't stand a chance.
::[b]MY FRIENDS, THE BAIT WAS TAKEN.[/b]
And so they kept on coming, shortly followed by the bills -- big, angry red bills -- which grew more and more ridiculous (along with the titles of the books) and before I knew it, I was in debt.
I panicked... tried to cancel the account, but the debt had to be paid first... I finally paid off the debt in full, again tried to cancel (which could only be done over the phone) and was almost harangued into continuing with my so-called 'subscription'... I thought it was all over... but no... after six months of post-[b]READERS DIGEST :twisted:[/b] quiet, I am now being threatened with [b]COURT ACTION[/b]... All of this because of a prize draw and a well-timed bar of chocolate.
So, my friends, I would encourage you -- perhaps using some clever mnemonic device (I only write that word: I can't pronounce it for the life of me) -- to ensure that the name [b]READER'S DIGEST[/b] :twisted: remains forever synonymous with [b]PURE EVIL :evil:[/b].
[LINE]
[i]THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ON BEHALF OF KELLY HALLAM.[/i][LINE]
[LINE]
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| Right, that's it! Time for a well deserved rant. |
| 07.02.04 (2:40 am) [edit] |
Now, I wouldn't say that I was the calmest person in this ker-azy microcosm we call a Call Centre by any means, but there are cartainly more irascible people than myself here. Being an only child from a reserved family, I will be the first to admit that the concept of politeness, even to the point of being self-effacing, was a tacit part of my upbringing. I have, on numerous occasions, sat in nasty restaurants, eaten over-cooked food, smiled and thanked hostile teenage waitresses (who are probably very aware of the saliva content of my meal) and then left a tip. This is the absolute paradigm of self-effacing Britishness, but at least I can say that I am polite; stupid, but polite. Be this as it may, I'm fairly sure that I'm just as familiar with the regular conventions of answering a telephone. I understand that if someone is to answer a telephone, there will be a definite difference between their 'home' manner and their 'work' manner. Perhaps their home manner will be more casual and relaxed, maybe slightly jocular, but under no circumstances is it okay to:
[b]A.[/b] Pick up the phone and [i]not [/i]speak.
[b]B.[/b] The above, but in addition to not speaking, snort heavily down the phone.
[b]C. [/b]Answer the phone by bellowing 'who's there?', as though the caller just popped his or her head out of your toilet bowl while you were cleaning your teeth.
[b]D. [/b]Answer with a grunt and than after listening to the callers request for your spouse, drop the phone and scream at the top of your voice something to the effect of 'Sylvia! There's someone on't phone for yer! Curry's or summats!' then on recieving the less than interested reply from said spouse, hang up the phone without so much as a 'thanks, but no thanks'.
[b]E.[/b] Answer the phone politely, listen to the callers opening spiel, agree to answer questions and [i]then[/i] deign to mention the fact that for all intents and purposes you are DEAF.
Like I said, I'm no expert, and I'm not telling anyone[i] how[/i] to live, but for the love of god and in the interest of avoiding the complete entropy of society as we know it, please, just THINK.
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| Joseto says hi |
| 06.28.04 (10:29 am) [edit] |
Hi everyone i have a message from Joseto, he says hi but he's not going to tell us what was said to zeke, so we will never know.
A direct quote from Joseto
quote: "The sun is nice, lots of people everywhere, cheap drinks & food, good friends & Zeke, how could you forget what I said?! It meant a lot to me and I thought it'd be important for you as well!!" end quote
I never thought i would say this but i need a job!!!! There is only one slight problem to my theory of work and thats i dont want to do anything but want to be paid. Any solutions to this problem will be appreciated.
Anyway bye for now. A. x :D
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| Keep The Aspadistra Flying.... and well watered. |
| 06.25.04 (6:02 am) [edit] |
Well, I guess things are looking up slightly in terms of work; it kind of appropriates itself to you when you aren't looking. Plus there's a pretty spanky pub about five minutes walk away that plays RRRROOOCK music(The Horn).
::
Zeke: I'm a little worried about your plant. It looks less glossy and perky than it should.
::
The main thing keeping me going at the moment is the thought of a week's holiday, although this feeling of abject excitement is convoluted with the sheer terror that if I so much as sneeze in my Dad's new caravan, I may never have another holiday as long as I live (or at least as long as it takes me to pay for a new caravan).
::
Still, 2 weeks and counting... :D
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| Day 3 at the ESA complex & I realise the prevailing Sense Of Humour is NOT self-deprecating |
| 06.23.04 (3:36 am) [edit] |
[LINE]
ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT IDENTITIES.
[LINE]
Fade in... quiet office, open-plan; the low thrum of the air-con unit can be heard behind the staccato click of lazy-keyed computers... the halogens flicker in the high ceiling above the office gloom; outside the panoramic skyline is a tumult of grey...
[i]A card is being passed around for a lady who is about to drop child.[/i]
[b]Z: [/b]"I'm going to have a kid"
[b]N: [/b]"Does 'N' know about this?"
[b]Z: [/b]"No, I've not told her yet"
[i]Office falls silent...[/i]
[b]Random South African Guy: [/b]"What's that, 'Z'?"
[b]Z: [/b]"Oh, I said I'm gonna have a kid"
[b]RSAG: [/b]"You know, kids tend to turn out to be the complete opposite of their parents... like, you'll get crazy parents and a really geeky kid or something"
[b]Z: [/b]"Yeah, so mine would be really good-looking and very quiet!"
[i]Minutes elapse... tumbleweeds roll... clicking of keyboard resumes. Fade out...[/i]
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| Okay, okay... plus points... |
| 06.22.04 (2:54 am) [edit] |
That's quite enough negativity from me. I will now list all the positive points to this working malarky:
1. It's not Luton.
2. There's a nice (almost) panoramic view of St Albans out the HUGE great window. (6th floors up)
3. I'm not playing golf; I can see a golf course and I'm not there.
4. Free bacon sandwich on a Tuesday morning.
5. I'm not stuck up a tree and there is no thunder storm.
6. It's not Luton.
7 to 45. The money.
Yeah, that feels better. Plus lunch time in 1hr and 6 minutes.
[LINE]
:!: [b]News Flash [/b]- Poetry, LOTText and Fantasy results/assessments available to be picked up now. [thanks Trace/Paul ;)]
[LINE]
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| Working! What's that? |
| 06.21.04 (1:01 pm) [edit] |
Hope all you hard workers are having fun everyday getting up early in the morning and having to commute and all.
Don't worry Kelly you've only got another 3 months to go, thats only about 13 weeks or 61 days (including weekends). I would work out the hours and seconds coz after all i haven't got anything better to do but i can't be bothered.
I would like to take this point to apologise to Kelly, sorry but i'm in my evil mood. :twisted: he he he.
A.
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| First Day at ESA!! |
| 06.21.04 (6:03 am) [edit] |
Will keep this short, cos I'm being sneaky...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrr rrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!
Cheerio chaps.
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| RE: Attempted usurpation of Misanthropists Anonymous |
| 06.14.04 (8:01 am) [edit] |
Zeke,
Despite your shameless soliciting of my e-readers, and a disturbing new development in which you appear to have dichotomised yourself into Original Zeke and someone called James, I forgive you. Oh, and Titty-biscuits looks pretty darn promising. look out for arse-grapes.com; I'm taking my babies back. No, just joking, but it would be funny.
Miss anon.
[LINE]
[b]Robert Kilroy-silk and the EU debachle;[/b] he's in the system, no, wait... he's breaking the system! The leather-faced TV presenter is to destroy the European Union from within! :shock:
[LINE]
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| MY CAT EXPLODED |
| 06.14.04 (6:01 am) [edit] |
Not really, just wanted an attention-grabbing opening line. One of the golden rules of fiction, apparently.
It's your resident skank-haired wannabe rockstar with the funny name, here to announce the launch of a website which is nearly half as good as this one! Head over to Titty-Biscuits --- www.freewebs.com/titty-biscuits . I can promise you fun and frolics galore! Well, not necessarily, but its a nice place to waste your time.
I must make the following points regarding the terms of service of my website, however:
1) This site is viewed purely at your own risk, and at the risk of Joe Simmons, 89 Westbrook Ave., Dunstable, Bedfordshire. Don't ask, it's complicated.
2) Hotel accomodation will be provided for some readers of the website by other readers of the website, which works out quite nicely, I think.
3) When using the message boards, please refrain from profanity and foul language, particularly because we have no message board at present and you're probably just sitting at your desk mumbling swear words under your breath.
Thanks in advance for your support guys. Please look at the e-zine section I am trying to get together, that needs particular help from all you writers and artists out there.
Let's try and steal all Kelly's fans.
May the Almighty Thor bless you.
Zeke
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| The wheels on the bus go round and round... |
| 06.13.04 (3:09 pm) [edit] |
The children on the bus go whah, whah, whah... and now a story for you all so what i have wrote might make some sense, probably not but its worth a try.
“Green, green, green, green, green, green.” They chanted until the word had lost all meaning to me. Why they were being allowed to I didn’t know but at least they were happy. It took a corner, the kids screamed as if they were on a roller coaster. “It’s going to hit. Mummy, mummy it’s going to hit.” The mother grunted towards her child and continued her conversation as though she had just paused to take a breath. I watched on, my headphones in but refusing to work. I would have taken them out but there was something comforting about people thinking I was listening to music. It worked as a non-sitting device.
Another set of lights approaching. The chant of the children seemed to get louder with each set we passed. “Red, red, red, red, red, red, red, come on, orange yeah, yeah, now green look it’s green. We’re moving again.” If I hadn’t needed to be on time I would have got off and waited for the next one.
“Stop, stop, stop, get ready, walk, walk, walk.” They scream whilst marching back and forth. Still nothing is said. Everyone is sitting staring at the mother, silently praying she tells them to be a little quieter, just so others can hear themselves think. It would be nice but no such luck.
One final set of lights and I will be free from their chants. I get up as soon as I can and swing round the handrail, reaching downstairs I’m annoyed to find I can still hear them and to make matters worse they are starting to follow me. I almost run out of the door, air, freedom and the general noise of everything.
Relief.
Early morning buses drive me insane. No sorry that’s a lie. Screaming kids on buses drive me insane, it’s just worse when it’s early in the morning.
Rant over and no more bus trips planned until Wednesday.
Shit! just realised its buses and trains then, twice over. Argh!!!! Glad I’ve bought some new headphones, otherwise I’ll never survive.
A.
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| Nepotism flourishes at ESA |
| 06.10.04 (7:12 am) [edit] |
Despite my greatest efforts to avoid Employment, I now have a job. I walk amongst the Employed.
So boys, make the most of your last days of pheromone-based action, cos there's some girl comin' your way!!
[LINE]
[b]She's mean, she's efficient, and she'll have y'all out of a job! [/b] :twisted:
[LINE]
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| 1 hour 45 minutes to go |
| 06.10.04 (3:10 am) [edit] |
[i][b]And lo, the heavens they did open...[/b][/i]
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
That's two signs now; my lip twinge and the rain. And boy does it still raineth!
Well, it's probably closer to drizzle, but it's just as wet.
In the almighty words of Zeke: [b]Bumclouds.[/b]
Bloody look at it!!
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| Ho hum. |
| 06.10.04 (2:43 am) [edit] |
Here I sit, awaiting the familiar clap of the holy handcuffs of employment.
2 hours and 30 minutes until my interview with ESA.
What the hell am I doing?? I [i]really, really, really [/i]don't want a job!!
I have an intemittant twinge in my lower lip. I think it's a sign. My lower lip is telling me not to go.
What a quandry.
Look at this face... is this the face of an enthusiastic market researcher? huh?
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.::.:Misanthropists Anonymous:.::. Disliking people since November 2003
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